It's the Automotive Jokes and Riddles Thread

[Otto Puzzell]

I'll start:

Q: What's the most dangerous part of any automobile?

A: The nut that holds the steering wheel.

[knightfan26917]

LOL!  I like that one.

*pauses*

But, I got nothing.  Though, I've always thought it ironic that we park on driveways and drive on parkways........



Cort | 36swm.IL | "Mr Monte Carlo"."Mr Road Trip" | pig valve.pacemaker
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"All of the chaos makes perfect sense" ... Joe Diffie ... 'Third Rock From The Sun'

[Otto Puzzell]

Excellent!

[Ultra]

One day, in a small town in the middle of no-where, a redneck wearing nothing but jeans and suspenders was pumping gas into his pinto at the local gas station. To his surprise, a rich man in a Ferrari pulled up next to him to pump gas into his $600,000 car. As the rich man was pumping gas he looked over at the bewildered redneck. Noticing the admiration on his face the rich man asked, in a cocky tone, "what, you wanna race farm boy?" Not one to back down to a challenge the redneck replied in a defiant tone "I sure do city boy!"

Shortly after that, the two men had there cars lined up on a super long stretch of straight road. The two men were standing in between the two cars discussing how to insure a fair start.

They finally concluded that the rich man would hold up 3 fingers and do a count down. When the last finger dropped they would go for it. So the rich man opened his door and stepped into his car, then the redneck walked around to the door of his car and climbed in.

The rich man started the count down and when the last finger fell they took off.

The rich man decided to toy with the redneck and only shift up to second gear, but by the time he got to full speed in second gear the pinto was just a dot in his rear view mirror. "What a waste of time." the rich man thought.

suddenly, RRRRROOOOOOMMMMMM!!! The pinto went roaring by.

"Whoa!" the rich man said. So then he shifted up into 3rd then 4th gear to still give the redneck a sporting chance. Once again the pinto became a dot in hisrear view mirror.

RRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!! To the rich man's surprise the pinto went flying by again!

"FINE!" The rich man shouted. So then he went all out, shifting up into 6th gear and putting the pedal to the floor. By now the Ferrari was doing about 210 Mph. The Ferrari blew by the pinto and once again the pinto became a tiny speck in his rear view.

RRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMM!!!!!! The pinto blew by him again, practically blowing the Ferrari's doors off.

Having been beaten by the pinto the rich man pulled over to the side of the road and stopped. In a rage he got out and slammed his door as the redneck backed up next to his car.

"WHAT KIND OF MOTOR DO YOU HAVE IN THAT PINTO!" Shouted the rich man.

The redneck climbed out of his Pinto shaking like a nervous Chihuahua and replied, "I have no idea, BUT I GOT MY SUSPENDERS CAUGHT IN YOUR DOOR!!"

[Otto Puzzell]

 

[gilescooperuk]

Very old and cheesy....

Why does a Skoda have a heated rear window?

So your hands stay warm while you are pushing it.

Sorry about that one.

[Otto Puzzell]

One warm, sunny afternoon, a rather portly red-headed fellow was driving along the back roads of a small Mississippi county, enjoying the peaceful countryside, and the feeling of the power of the 360 horsepower engine under the hood of his black Corvette.

Suddenly, the engine went silent, and much to his chagrin, he was unable to get it restarted, and had to pull off the side of the road. Unfortunately, there was nothing in sight, except for a lone farmhouse way off in the distance. Realizing he had no choice, the man being his trek across the field towards the farmhouse.

An hour or so later, after a long walk, the man reached the farmhouse and knocked on the door. The sun was down, but it was still hot and humid, and the sweat was rolling off the man's back. He was hot and wet, and ready for bed.

After a few seconds, the farmer answered the door. After explaining his plight, the farmer said that the man was welcome to spend the night and he could give him a ride into town the next morning to find a mechanic, however, the only available place to sleep was with the farmer's young athletic son, who was standing behind the farmer, with a huge smile on his face.

The man replied, "Oh, excuse me, sir.. I'm in the wrong joke."

[Otto Puzzell]

Jim owned a blue-green colored Volvo. It was a '72, however, and even Volvos don't last forever. When he was driving home one afternoon and the engine fell through the engine mounts, his wife brought up the subject of buying a new car.

"Well, I've grown partial to this car, dear," said Jim.

"But honey, this car is falling apart!" his wife exclaimed.

The argument went on for a while. Jim finally agreed to buy a new car, but only another Volvo and only the same blue-green color. It had to be the exact same shade of blue or he wasn't interested. And so his quest began.

"Nope. Are you sure they're made in that color?" asked all the Volvo dealers in New York.

He went to Connecticut and received the same line. He went to Rhode Island, only to hear, "Nope--had one last week. Couldn't sell it so we gave it to a junk dealer."

Jim ran to the junk dealer just in time to see the car of his dreams crushed. He traveled through Vermont. "Nope. Can't get one here." He tried New Hampshire. "I don't think they make them." He went into Maine. "I don't have one, but Charlie might. He's the Volvo dealer up in Caribou. Anyone ever told you about Caribou, Maine? It's freezing up there and is in the middle of nowhere."

Unfortunately, at this point, an enormous storm system moved into the area. Jim was trapped at the dealership during the blizzard. Two days later, when the dealer arrived to open up shop, he found Jim standing by the door. When the dealer opened the door, Jim saw it. Right in the middle of the showroom floor was his bluish Volvo. Perfect! Jim told the dealer of his quest, paid the sticker price, and was about to leave when the dealer asked, "Why did you spend so much time searching for this color Volvo? Why did it have to be this turquoise color?"

Jim smiled and said, as he drove off: "Well, there's something about an aqua Volvo, man."

[Carnut]

An old 'un but a good 'un:

Girl was driving her air-cooled VW Beetle through Arizona when suddenly there was a horrible noise and the car stopped.  Wouldn't start at all or even make a noise.  So out she got and went round to open the bonnet (hood) when to her amazement there was no sign of the engine!

Wondering what on earth to do she stood by the car scratching her head, but as luck would have it along came another woman in her Beetle, who, on seeing another woman in distress, stopped to see if she could help.

"Got a problem?" she asked, and the poor woman pointed to her empty engine-compartment saying "Look, the whole engine has disappeared completely.  Just heard a horrible noise then when I looked there it was - gone!"

"Oh, don't worry about that dear" said the second woman walking round to the back of her Beetle and opening the boot (trunk); "Look, I've got a spare one here"...

[Allemano]

[DeAutogids]

Sometimes, reality is the biggest joke.


When Rolls-Royce wanted to introduce the Silver Cloud they actually had a different name in mind, Silver Mist, but to find out it would have been a Silver Shit in German.

On the other end of the scale, Fiat has had a hard time selling their Uno in Finland, as it means something like sucker in Finnish. The same maker could hardly sell a Croma in the Netherlands either, as Croma is a brand-name for a completely unrelated item: Margarine.

And one could argue if Brems (DK) was a good name, as it means Brake in German.

[woodinsight]

I also remember if my memory is correct that Foden, the truck maker had a problem in promoting their products in Spain.

[João]

I also remember if my memory is correct that Foden, the truck maker had a problem in promoting their products in Spain.

Oh yes,in this case it's not a great name even here in Brazil as Spanish is very similar to Portuguese...
There are a lot of cars with this problem...imagine the Toyota MR2 for sale in France!
Mitsubishi had the same problem with the spanish-speaking countries in Latin America with the Pajero...a very bad word ahuahauha,they changed to Montero..

[DeAutogids]

I also remember if my memory is correct that Foden, the truck maker had a problem in promoting their products in Spain.

Oh yes,in this case it's not a great name even here in Brazil as Spanish is very similar to Portuguese...
There are a lot of cars with this problem...imagine the Toyota MR2 for sale in France!
Mitsubishi had the same problem with the spanish speakers countries in Latin America with the Pajero...a very bad word ahuahauha,they changed to Montero..

It was Portugal and they even changed the name in Portugal to Poden.

[fyreline]

....or the extremely popular Chevy Nova, which for some reason GM couldn't figure out sold so poorly in Spanish-speaking countries.

"NO VA".

[Otto Puzzell]

Urban myth; not true. Nova means "new" in Spanish, too, and the Nova sold well for years in Mexico.

[João]

Yes,it's true..nova or novo is like "new" in english,but separated as No Va is kind of "Don't go"

[Otto Puzzell]

You'd have to wonder why Pemex hasn't changed the name of their Nova gasoline?

[DeAutogids]

An American farmer comes to Europe and of course wants to know how agriculture looks like in the old world. He is amazed at the many puzzle-piece-sized pieces of land. He sees a farmer and says "Hi, how' ya doin'?" and the other farmer looks at him and says "fine, thanks. Yourself?" "say how big is your land?" and the farmer answers "2 acres, why, how big is your land then?" and the American farmer thinks. How can he possibly explain the size of his land compared to the other farmers land. He finally has an idea and says "When I get in my car in the morning, I've reached the end of my land at the end of the day". The other farmer nods knowingly and replies "Yeah, once had a car like that too"

[Amsterdam]

A guy is speeding on the highway when a policeman spots him.
When he pulled him over he asked for his drivers licence.
''I do not have a licence'' is the answer.
''Can I see you're registration'' asks the policeman
''I do not have that either, because I just stole this vehicle''
''Get out of the car and you are under arrest'' yells the policeman ''Where did you steel it?''
''From a guy at the last gasstation. He did not agree so I had to kill him and put him in the trunk'' said the guy.
The policeman immediately calls for back up and in no time a special team arrives.
A detective comes to the man and asks him to open the trunk.
When he opens it there is nothing there.
''I was told you killed a guy and that you put him in the trunk'' said the detective.
''Absolutely not true'' said the guy
''and that you were pulled over in a stolen car without a drivers licence??''
The guy takes out is licence and registration and hands it over to the detective.
''I do not no what this is all about'' said the detective giving the guy back his papers.
''I do not know either'' said the guy '' It would not suprice me if that crazy cop is also telling you more lies about me........like I was speeding on the highway

[Otto Puzzell]

I went to the auto parts store the other day, and I was in there for only about five or six minutes. When I came out, there was a cop writing a parking ticket. So I went up to him and said, "how about cuttin' me some slack?" He ignored me and continued writing the ticket. So I called him a pencil-necked jerk. He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires! So I called him a gutless turd. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket! This went on for about 20 minutes. The more I abused him, the more tickets he wrote. But I didn't care; my car was parked around the corner.